Monday, August 29, 2011

Two years ago today...

I married the love of my life.

It was 104 degrees.

Sweat took over my life and the lives of the 200 people present. At a certain point I was unable to feel hot because I was so nervous, excited and overwhelmed but I do remember thinking bugs from the grass were crawling all over my legs. Upon further inspection it was sweat raining down my freshly spray-tanned legs. It was HOT.

So hot that people refused to sit down in their seats until I was literally halfway down the aisle. So hot that all the bottled water I bought at Costco got sucked down in 4 minutes and my poor uncle had to make an emergency trip and fill the bed of his truck with pallets of Refreshe. So hot that the beautiful cake my Aunt made melted, the fondant wrinkling like a 90 year old woman's face. We covered it with so many Gerbera daisies that it ended up looking like one of those old fashion flower covered swim caps.  It sure didn't taste like a old fashion flower covered swim cap though, it tasted like the most amazing rum spice cake you ever did put your lips to.

We powered through it and managed to have a very meaningful, beautiful, fun and smooth wedding. All my family was there, all of his family was there, nearly everyone we invited showed up to celebrate with us.  Some of my husbands friends forgot it was a wedding and thought they were going surfing.  It's probably never okay to wear board shorts and flip flops to a wedding that is not taking place anywhere near the sand. 

My dad almost blew the whole thing when he locked his suit inside his van about 10 minutes before the wedding started. He has one of those VW Westfalia vans with the canvas pop-up top. Apparently he had to murder the top with his pocket knife and cut his way in to get his suit. I am trying to imagine him just totally freaking out as he's stabbing his car, red faced and sweating profusely. I'm sure a few passerbys were tempted to call the police. He was able to get in, get dressed and grab me for a stroll down the aisle with a minute to spare. Way to go dad. He looked more handsome than I'd ever seen.

Doesn't he look like the dead guy from Weekend at Bernie's?  I thought so too.  Anyways, the suit looks pretty suave dad.  Men's Warehouse really came through on that one.  So I made it down the aisle without tripping in one of the many gopher holes.  I got into a fist fight with my veil after I had to pull it out of my throat.  I came away naked on the head and it ended up in my bridesmaids hands. 

Note to brides-to-be: Do a spit on finger test to see where the wind is coming from before wearing a veil down the aisle. If you don't, there is a slight probability that it will either end up down your throat or slicing your eyes.  

I finally got to the front and had my husbands hands.  The world melted away and it was just us smiling at each other and nervously giggling.  My step-dad was marrying us and began his speech.  The sun was melting my forehead but I smiled on...until I heard the words "make-up sex in the kitchen." I looked around, wondering where it came from.  Who just said that?  Well, my step-dad had just said that and was continuing to say things of that nature.  How did I not know that would happen?  My step-dad, Bud, sometimes says things that no one should hear.  Like the time he...shoot, he might read this at some point in my life and I should get permission to reveal the other inappropriate comments he's said at inappropriate times.  Another story for another day.  He means well and it doesn't matter if you mean well right?  At least the audience gets a good laugh out of it.

 We were finally announced Husband and Wife and it felt so good to finally be a Mrs.

The following party was a lot of fun.  The beer and wine flowed very freely except for my friend Janet, who's drink was taken right out of her hand by one of my mom's slightly "screw loose" friends who felt the need to cut her off after her first sip.   Maybe she felt Janet was a younger version of her and she needed to step in and take control of her own life again.  We'll never really know her reasons, mainly because I will probably never really actually know her.

I think this offended our parents.  Either that or it made them proud. This is my brother, not the groom.  It's is a very accurate depiction of him.  A flask, shades and a handlebar mustache.  Amen.  Oh, and did you scope my cowboy boots?  I know right?  Awesome.  I didn't have a blister to show for anything. 

It's been two years since that crazy day and there have been some great times, some not so great times, some laughing and some crying.  He doesn't really cry so it's been all me I guess.  We are going strong, still enjoying the heck out of each other and learning more and more everyday...I've learned that I'm actually wrong most of the time and he's learned how to not make me feel stupid for being wrong all the time.  Sometime I feel it would almost be nice to marry someone who is wrong more than me but we don't get to choose who we fall in love with right?

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